The Other Side

Poof! It's finally over!
But it was really just the beginning

After all the brouhaha of the last year and a half, things are strangely silent. I have my teaching credential, I'm done with a year of teaching, and I'm unemployed. Thus the picture of the astronaut drifting in space!

After a few years at part-time substitute teaching, I entered the Secondary Education Credential program at San Francisco State University in the Spring of 2005. In the first semester, only one of my professors was older than I was.

For a while, I split my time between trying to stay on top of my school work, observing classes at a local high school, and putting in time at my office, trying to keep it going by fits and starts.

Not that I had a lot of choices of what to do, but it was definitely the pattern for the next year and a half: mediocrity in all things. I was burning my candle at at least three ends!

All the while, it's been hard on my family too, which should be kind of obvious. I'm making a career change, which in the long run should be a better move, but in the short run has added enormously to my stress levels.

After the first semester, someone at San Francisco Unified asked one of my professors to recommend science and math student teachers who might be interested in getting paid to teach, instead of the normal unpaid student teacher semester, and I, along with many of my classmates gave her our names.

I ended up taking a part-time job at a 'dream school,' against the better judgment of SFSU, and my normally one-year program was turned into a 3 semester program. I taught one class of chemistry, which I was technically qualified to teach, and one class of 9th grade Earth Science, which I was initially unqualified to teach. I eventually passed the required subject matter competency test, but basically tried to stay one step ahead of the students all year. Mediocre indeed!

In my Dream School, it was very racially segregated. 70-80% Latino, maybe 15% African-American, and almost no whites or Asians. Over forty years ago, I read Up the Down Staircase, and was hooked on the romantic idea of 'saving' kids, and turning them on to education. I'm not saying I don't still believe it's possible, but the forces that keep kids away from academics are far bigger than just what the teacher dishes out. Like I've been saying, I feel I've been mediocre this last year, and look forward to next year, when I know I will be a much better teacher, but I doubt I will be able to 'save them all.' But you never know where you might have some influence, so you have to keep planting seeds, and hope they will find fruitful soil.

I stumbled through my first semester, then on into my second semester, where I had to finish this gawdawful thing called a 'Candidate Assessment Portfolio' (CAP) where I showed how I reached all 13 of these 'Teaching Performance Expectations' (TPE's) which seemed to be written by committee. I had a formal supervisor from SFSU, and an in-house observer appointed at the school. I tried to please them all, but probably none, and probably less than pleased at that! The politics of school is something I am quite naive about, and put my foot in it several times. I took sick days just to finish this CAP thing (I've never drunk so much coffee in all my life!) and straggled to the finish line. I was very emotional at the end, and doing things like make my normally rude 9th graders pose for an end of year picture with me:


After our last SFSU class, we just hung out for awhile, chatting with each other. We were almost in a state of shock, knowing that there were no more classes to attend. We would all be off to our separate schools and such.

Here's a pic of me and Brandon, my best buddy through it all, that afternoon. He's less than half my age, but we were a good team when we worked on projects together.

It kind of reminds me of childbirth. Not that I have the same memories as Martha of course, but it was very intense for me too. Those memories tend to fade, and get replaced by all that life offers and takes from you. This has been one of the most intense, and painful periods of my life, but hopefully, this too shall be covered up by future sedimentary memories to come.

What we call the beginning is often the end
And to make and end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from.

-T. S. Eliot

Angry Blogger

Suicide Secrets

Earlier today I was wrapping up what I figured would be my last blog post before the end of Spring Break, and I noticed there were a couple of fire engines and a bunch of police cars just a few doors down the street. It was a slow day, and I wasn't properly dressed, so I just poked my head out the front door to see what was going on. I didn't really know what was happening until later, when a neighbor rang my doorbell.

What I was told was the stepfather of a girl my daughters had grown up with had died by suicide. I was pretty floored, and remembered when this girl's father had died of a heart attack over a decade ago. The heartache was huge.

I don't have anything clever to say here, but would like to call on the small community of people that read these musings to share what they know about suicide. Is is something that takes over a person suddenly? Should anyone have seen this coming? The family is completely at a loss to explain why this happened. So, please consider sharing your experiences or knowledge about this tragic subject.

Thanks,
Geoff

Join the Uranium Hexaflouride Revolution!

This must be a dream.
[I just couldn't resist working this photo of the dancers into a blog!]

Here we see Iranian dancers at a ceremony, supposedly holding capsules of UF₆ in their unprotected hands. I have nothing against Iranians, my mother was born in Tehran, and I have found most Iranians I've met in my life wonderful people. But I can't believe this image of heroic dancers lifting a vial of poison in the air, with a backdrop of white doves, doesn't land just a little oddly with most Iranians. It's like a cross between some old Soviet-era propaganda poster and a Coke or Pepsi commercial. What was the Pepsi revolution all about anyway?

So, without further irony, or tounge-in-cheek:

at an April 11th ceremony:
"At this historic moment, with the blessings of God almighty and the efforts made by our scientists, I declare here that the laboratory-scale nuclear fuel cycle has been completed and young scientists produced enriched uranium needed to the degree for nuclear power plants Sunday," Ahmadinejad said.

"I formally declare that Iran has joined the club of nuclear countries," he told an audience that included top military commanders and clerics in the northwestern holy city of Mashhad. The crowd broke into cheers of "Allahu akbar!" or "God is great!" Some stood and thrust their fists in the air.

Can George W. Bush's scripted speeches in front of soldiers, extolling how he is bringing freedom to the Middle East, seem any less bizarre to Iranians than this scene may look to some of us?

The Immigration Illusion

Which title sounds better to you? "Undocumented Worker" or "Illegal Alien?"

When you watch the news, count how many times you hear each phrase. Which one do you think strikes more fear in the average TV viewer? There are a lot of conflicting truths, but I rarely hear a word about the "Illegal Employers."

The other night, Jesse Jackson was the guest on the faux-news "Colbert Report" and was being hammered by Colbert's right-wing persona about immigration. What Jesse kept saying was that "these people were sent for." If you think about it that way, it seems kind of odd to only blame the "illegals" and not the people who provide the jobs to bring them over here. I'm not saying it's OK with me to cross a border without permission. Until the day comes when every world citizen has the same rights as privileges, borders are a practical necessity. I just find some people's indignation about immigration a little odd, when they are probably not that removed from someone who hires a gardner, nanny, or cook. We all probably have a favorite restaurant we like to go to, and we probably don't think too much about who's working in the back, cleaning the dishes, and cooking our food.

American citizens work abroad, but we don't expect them to behave like they're not Americans. But somehow when we ask people to come work here, we also want them to wave American flags too. Today, at major demonstrations, the word was put out to demonstrators to put away the Mexican flags, and only wave US flags. A smart, if somewhat cynical move.

In the last dozen years or so, we have become used to a low annual inflation rate, but at what cost? We buy lots of cheap items made in China. Are we willing to pay American citizens to do the same work as those Chinese? If we make the Mexican workers apply for citizenship, pay taxes and fines, and learn English, how much more will we have to pay to have the leaves blown off our lawns?

This is much more complicated than any 40-second news bite can swallow. Do undocumented workers take American jobs? Definitely. Do they also use public services such as health care? For sure. But once again, this reminds me of the burden the employers are shirking, just like the de facto reality of Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart pays their workers so little, that that the employees can't afford healthcare, and end up using the public emergency services for their health care. The public picks up the tab for Wal-Mart that Wal-Mart should pay. In the case of the illegals, we all pick up the tab for their services that should be paid by any conscientious employer.

No wall can be built high enough to keep people out who are 'being sent for.' If we can stop illegal hiring, the number of illegal aliens would shrink dramatically. That is, of course, if you're willing to pay a little more for a head of lettuce.

Dear Senator Feinstein,

Dear Senator Feinstein,

There are many reasons to oppose the nomination of Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court. He is extremely right-wing in his views and rulings, but I encourage you to protect us from at least 20 years of his rulings on our precious Constitution, and filibuster if need be. He has shown contempt for Congress and the American people by sidestepping the issues, and not answering the questions when it suited him. What was particularly troubling to me was when he refused to call Roe v. Wade "settled law" and instead called it an "important precedent." He felt this showed he had an open mind. Does this mean that if the issue is murder, or torture, he will also have an "open mind?"

Please Senator Feinstein, I know the Republicans have the votes, but if you stick with others, we can extend debate, until at least a time when we can get some answers. Please, I beg of you for the sake of my children, do what you can to stop him from joining the Supreme Court.

Thank you kindly,
Geoff Gould
San Francisco

What are you doing New Year's Eve?

Do we "Invent the future that we want to face?"

I think New Year's Eve is a great time to look back and look forward, while we sit on the imaginary tipping point of time. This year, we even have an extra second of time to do that! This blog has been a very personal journey for me, and some of you have contributed some nice comments from time-to-time. What I'd like to do is to encourage you to speculate here about the future, or ruminate about the past. Maybe a year from now it would be interesting to look back at this.

The world that revolves directly around me
This last year has been one of the hardest in my life. Going back to school, where only one professor has been older than me, has been definitely a challenge. I can't pull all-nighter's like I could when I was younger, and the ideal of modern education seems to be some sort of all-in-one superhuman, who writes pulitzer-prize-winning lesson plans every day, connects meaningfully with about a dozen different types of students, and still has time left over to grade papers, get professional development, and still have some sort of life. Not very possible. I have basically had to settle for some sort of 'enforced mediocrity' that gets me by. I want to do better, and have to hope it will get easier with time. Which brings me to the present.

The SFSU semester has ended, but my key science-teaching class is incomplete, and I have a few papers hanging over my head. I return to teach my high school science classes on Tuesday, wrapping up their semester in a few weeks.

How does 2006 look from my selfish point-of-view? Provided I can survive student teaching this next semester, finish my SFSU classes, get my CPR certificate, pay the filing fees, etc., I would hope to be a full-time science teacher somewhere in the Fall.

Zooming out to the macro
We all exist in so many orbits, so I'm just going to zoom out to the big picture politically, and what I see in 2006. We have witnessed an ongoing coup these last few years, that most people still won't admit to themselves the extent to which we have been conquered, as if by aliens in some corny science fiction movie, or more like the Bizarro World out of Superman Comics. When I was growing up, the Jetsons promised us a world where humans would live in leisure, since robots would be doing so much work for us. This dream of a utopia has been turned upside down, and anyone who thinks this way is a discredited commie-pinko. Unless you're some kind of trust funder, anyone who expects to exist without working is some kind of welfare slacker, or worse, a Trekkie. Our public schools are under attack, Social Security is under threat of being pillaged, and our way of life depends on slave labor and undocumented alien labor. The people who are running our government, under ordinary scrutiny, would be in prison for treason, but instead are being handed medals. This all brings me to what I think the big, big story of 2006 will (or should) be.

The Congressional elections of 2006 could be an historic turning point in history. I hold out hope that people will see the Emporer hath no clothes, and give Congress back to the Democrats, who will stanch the bleeding, and, dare I hope this much, initiate impeachment proceedings against George W. Bush. But the forces of control will not give up without a fight, and will do their best to keep the web spun that distracts us all. Either way, I expect a major struggle. America is supposed to be about the positive aspects of pluralism, the defense of minority rights, and these are exactly the things the new American Taliban are attacking.

Fasten your seatbelts, 2006 is going to be a bumpy ride!

Please, consider sharing your predictions below.

Carlton William Gould (1923 - 1995)

It's been 10 years to the day my father passed on. I miss him a lot, but he remains somewhat of a mystery, as I imagine most parents do to their kids, and vice versa. I know he loved us deeply, but I don't know too much about his personal hopes and dreams, about the kinds of concerns and regrets a parent doesn't burden his children with. For example, Jesse and Grace are in Europe right now, and while I'd love to hear every juicy tidbit about their adventures, I'm sure I didn't share everything with my parents either! My dad was a quintessential 'nice guy,' which is probably where I get my high level of gullibility from, but I don't really mind. He was not overly cynical, and perhaps some of his co-workers didn't look on him as a major leader, but I remember when he died, I talked to Jack, who was his boss for a long time, and I remember Jack was really shook up, and was not just emoting for the sake of the survivors. My dad was, to use an over-used word, "authentic," and made real connections with people. I could do worse than want to grow up to be like my dad.

Impeachable Chutzpah

Just a short note about Bush's admission that he ordered domestic spying without a court order, and the reaction of John Dean and Barbara Boxer. How out of touch can Georgie be, that John Dean should remark that in his opinion, George W. Bush is the first president in history to publicly admit to an impeachable offense!

Then omigawd, Barbara Boxer has the temerity to ask four Constitutional scholars about impeachment. In a rational world, this would be a totally rational response. A person publicly admits to a crime, that would merit some inquiry. But, in one-party Washington, it will probably take at least until after the 2006 elections until Congress will do their duty and investigate.

The American Taliban

"I don't think that witchcraft is a religion. I wish the military would rethink this decision."*

"God told me to strike at al Qaida and I struck them, and then he instructed me to strike at Saddam, which I did, and now I am determined to solve the problem in the Middle East. If you help me I will act, and if not, the elections will come and I will have to focus on them."

"Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists."

"This crusade, this war on terrorism is going to take a while."

*Comment about Wiccans in the military

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I think that when most people would read the title of an article called "The American Taliban," they would be thinking of John Walker Lindh. But what occurs to me now is just how far we've gone the way of Pogo: "I have met the enemy, and he is us!" The beauty of the Bill of Rights, and the checks and balances of the United States Constitution is in the way it protects the rights of the minorities. The word to use here is 'pluralism.'

I have come across a chilling collection of quotes by Americans, called Quotes from the American Taliban. These people know quite well the meaning of pluralism, and unashamedly want to kill it. Sure, there are quotes from a lot of well-known right-wing nutjobs, but plenty of the quotes are from people who have access to the highest levels of power in this country.

These people are just like the Taliban, and feel they know what God wants people to do. But most of the time in history, these people are just control freaks who use people's hunger for spiritual truth as a tool against their own freedom. Jesus would definitely not condone what these Americans say and do any more than Muhammed would approve of what the Taliban did in Afghanistan.

The idea of the American Taliban is so obvious, once you see it, a quick web search will turn up more articles along the same line. Here's another one.

I hope that the country will not be harmed too much before the 2006 Congressional elections, which I hope will return some balance of power to the people. But...I also fear that these wacko phony Christians know 2006 is coming too, and will try to do something traumatic to the country to turn people's attention away from the real issues. I am hopeful, but concerned.